There’s a story behind this title. I like petits fours. A lot, but I don’t get them often for which my waistline and butt are eternally grateful. But Divine Delights make good petits fours and years ago they came out with a really cute box of cute animal petits fours. And I have wanted them since I saw them.
For my birthday, he had a box sent to me. Here’s the email I wrote to their customer service the night they arrived. In my defense, it was late and I was a bit punchy, but it still makes me chuckle. Is it wrong to laugh at my own stuff?
Hello, my husband had a ginormous box of your Critters sent to me, and they arrived today. As usual, you delights are indeed divine, but I think maybe you sent a box of very antagonistic frogs, as they appear to have spent the trip beating up on the poor bunnines. Not a single bunny made the trip unscathed and in proper proportion. I think they put up some resistance because a few of the frogs were faceless and a bit worse for wear themselves. One got here looking picture perfect, so either he was the general in command of the froggy forces or he’s the best fighter and not a blow landed upon him. The moose and gold fish appeared to be left out of the fracas, but cats being cats, one had to go see what was going on and got caught in the cross fire. Two of the chickens must have cracked under the pressure of it all, though they were furthest from the fight. But we all know chickens aren’t too bight, so it’s no real surprise.
They are all quite tasty, as I sampled one of each but the frogs, being worried they might take offense and deal out to me the same brutal treatment they dished out to the poor bunnies. Although, to be fair, the bunnies might have been egging the frogs on, but none of them are talking. I had to eat the most injured of the bunnies, simply to put the poor misshapen thing out of it’s misery, but if you would like pictorial evidence of the violent bunch, I’d be happy to provide it when my husband returns from his business trip tomorrow with the camera. The box looks pristine on the outside and I was unprepared for the critter casualties that I found. I was both shocked and at a loss, for my husband was on the phone when I opened the box, hoping to hear my delight over the contents. You see, he’s been promising me a box of Critters for the last three years and has only now delivered. I did not want him to be upset by descriptions of Bunny carnage and froggy face loss when he went to such trouble to make sure they would reach me while he was out of town. It would be heartless in the extreme to describe his present as “Well, they’re here, but they’re a bit smooshed…” Please advise me on what to do to rectify this slight problem. And you might want to keep the bunnies and frogs separated from now on, to perhaps avoid further outbreaks of frog on bunny violence.
This email went over very well, and they were wonderful. I got a replacement box of perfect critters in record time and they were all delicious. I did forget to mention the pigs when I wrote this, but they were fine aside from one cracked snout. I have no idea how that happened, but I assume he got in one of the cats way.